I decided to write this spurred on by my emotional reaction to the LDS church's recent disclosure of their policy of exclusion (my word, not theirs) of children of same sex relationship families. If you are taking the time to read this I hope you can find a gem or two here that can help in some way.
First of all, I'm a Mormon by heritage. 6th generation, son of Utah pioneers.One of the qualities I find most admirable in certain people is their ability to love and accept people and truly show it with their words and actions. I would like to possess that quality, but alas, I tend to be a bit to analytical and angry at times.
I try to love people, all people...well maybe not so much the ones who want to harm, kill or silence me. But generally, yes, I love people and I want them to be happy. I hurt when others hurt. That is why I'm putting these feeling in writing. It is therapeutic for me and I hope my words may help someone some day.
I was having a conversation with a loved one of mine regarding my viewpoint that the Mormon's church's position on the rights of same sex couples is hurtful and bigoted. That person asked me "Are you gay?", to which I affirmed that I am not and that person said. "Then why does it matter?" I was saddened by that response because that person is dear to me. But, that is the kind of closed minded, non compassionate response that you would never expect to get from a loving person, unless they are taught to be bigoted by the dogma of their religion.
When I learned about sex and then heard about homosexuality, I was a bit freaked out, because it seemed "icky" and "gross" to me. But I was also surrounded by people who thought the same thing.
When I was in high school, I remembering hearing anecdotes about some of my fellow class mates who would beat up gay guys for entertainment. They called it "rolling a queer". Although I would never do it myself, I found it amusing and was not outraged. Now I am ashamed of that.
To people who are raised closed minded and don't understand or want to understand same-sex attraction it seems so perverted and creepy. I was that way. I thought that bisexuals just wanted to increase their odds and wanted to have sex with whomever. Now that I understand a bit more about it, I realize that it's really not all about the sex. As in all or most couples relationships, sex is part of it, but it's mostly about a true intimate connection with your partner. So, bisexuals are not necessarily any more sexual promiscuous than straight people.
Over the past few years I have really tried to think for myself, question everything and resist a group-think mentality. Why? Because I have discovered that, far too often in my life, I have been wrong. Or the group I aligned with was wrong. I know it is a process and nobody can expect to be right about everything, but I aspire to follow truth and good, wherever it leads.
My first cousin Dana is my cousin closest to me in age. I miss her. I'd like to talk with her and catch up. But I don't know where to find her now. I'll need to find her brother and ask him. Last time I saw her I was still stuck thinking about how she is in a sinful same sex relationship with her partner. I don't even know her partner's name. I'm ashamed of that. I was too bigoted and judgmental to genuinely care about her and her partner. I have some repenting to do. I'm trying to do that now. Dana, if you care to reach out, I'd love to hear from you.
I am the fourth of eleven siblings and I have three children, 33 nieces and nephews, just on my side of the family (not including my ex's nieces and nephews). My father is deceased, but my mother has all of these grandchildren and over twenty great-grandchildren, with more coming along regularly. Statistically speaking, at least a couple and likely a few or more of these extended family members of mine are homosexual. I already know of one.
And I'll be damned to hell, before I will disavow their loving relationship with the partner they choose. Do you hear me Elder Oaks? Do you hear me President Monson, Uchtdorf, and Eyring? I will be "thrust" down to hell before I'll participate in the evil exercise of making any one of them feel less worthy or feel rejected or excluded in any way.
I know an ex-couple, married in the temple, who have three children. They did everything they were supposed to, up until the part where natural biology took over and he had to come out as gay. They are still good friends, but obviously can't stay married. He's hurting. She's hurting and struggling with her self esteem. The kids are hurting and confused.
This is a human tragedy. Who was the perpetrator and who was the victim here? Well, there are no winners in this situation. From my viewpoint they are all victims and the perpetrator is the LDS church who pressured him into living a lie and not being true to himself.
That has been their policy forever as far as I know, up until recently. They would counsel the young man or woman to just marry someone of the opposite sex and they would soon be cured. Well they weren't. I would venture to say that this is the most common situation where children of (a) homosexual parent(s) are still active in the church.
Now, with this new policy, they are flexing their muscle to try to wrest further control from one of their loving parents because they consider his/her life "choice" sinful. Well, there was a time when, according to the church, interracial marriages were also sinful and actually, in the case of marrying a "negro", punishable by death aka blood atonement. Now, magically, it is not a sin. And somehow the "curse of Cain" is no longer such. The withholding of the priesthood was just prohibitions imposed by leaders who didn't know better because of their upbringing. Way to sugar-coat it! The fact is that the Church was wrong then and it could be wrong now.
But we are taught that "When the prophet speaks, the thinking has been done." So, we are all just supposed to be mindless drones that parrot the words of the current leadership without using our own brains?
Well, I can't do that and my brain tells me that homosexuality is not a sin, but bigotry is.
Furthermore, in spite of what has been asserted by the Church, I don't believe the well being of the child has been their primary consideration. It appears to me that their primary consideration has been how to get the active parent and the church more control over the upbringing of the child.
Family first? Are you kidding me? This is all about protecting the church, not the child.
Now, with this new policy clarification active non-homosexual parents will feel the need to pressure for not 50/50 custody, but primary custody and the homosexual parent will need to decide whether to capitulate, for the sake of peace and not stigmatizing his/her child, or fight. Not to mention, if the kid really likes attending church and fitting in with his/her friends there, the pressure on the parents is magnified.
Any way you look at it, the policy was completely unnecessary and it is bound to cause much more strife than it relieves.
This policy is indefensible and hateful. There has been much pain and grief as a result. I can also guarantee that there will be suicides over it. Imagine the stigmatization of innocent children! This policy was no more inspired than the church's previous stand on blacks and the priesthood or Brigham Young's teachings on Adam-God. We need to stand up for what is right if we want to see positive changes, not just follow along like sheeple.
Will I resign my membership over this debacle of the LDS church like many are doing?
No, I don't want to make it that easy on them. They'll need to throw me out. In the mean time they can deal with my dissenting voice from within.
